consciousness in the fog
driving home in the fog. the guitar plays loud. i wonder.
as thoughts clamber one on top of the other -
swerve! -
this man walks across the road, an umbrella shielding him from the drops.
what is he thinking? are thoughts racing through his mind too? to what light does he drift towards, on such a night? what solace does he seek, drifting through this wet world?
and then it is red. and i stop. but thoughts surround me. one at a time they attack with a million forks of doubt.
amongst this mad description of the frenzy that has been the last few weeks, hides the simple fact - i am terribly disorganised - and this chaos of the mind is all a result of all this last-minute planning for what should be - a fantastic elective.
i actually look forward to getting on the plane, sitting down in my seat, letting my head hit the headrest. because then, there is no turning back. no more thinking. everything that i could have done, all the planning, all the worrying, everything - now is out of my hands. and then i can sleep.
who am i kidding.
i will miss her. her hair. her voice. the comfort i get when i lay my head on her chest and under the sheets i can close my eyes, pushing the tears and fear away. i will miss her terribly. yet why does it not show more? is it hidden by the frenzy i am swirling in? is the frenzy, this whirlwind all a shield?
i hate money. i hate oil. i hate conflict. i hate pride. i hate egos. i hate wars. i hate injustice. i hate corruption. i hate inequality. i hate a lot of things in this world.
where do i start? i can read all i want. i can know all i need to know about all the wrongs in this beautiful world of ours. i can read all about the amazing people who are dedicating their lives to making this world a better place for us all, without having to plant their flags anywhere or charge for their services. but what about me?
what am i doing?
the rain pelters down now.
hard. steady. drumming down further into the blackness of my room. the bulb just blew.
i am a teen crying in angst in the rain. in the middle of the street looking up towards the sky and screaming out for answers.
pathetic.
as thoughts clamber one on top of the other -
swerve! -
this man walks across the road, an umbrella shielding him from the drops.
what is he thinking? are thoughts racing through his mind too? to what light does he drift towards, on such a night? what solace does he seek, drifting through this wet world?
and then it is red. and i stop. but thoughts surround me. one at a time they attack with a million forks of doubt.
amongst this mad description of the frenzy that has been the last few weeks, hides the simple fact - i am terribly disorganised - and this chaos of the mind is all a result of all this last-minute planning for what should be - a fantastic elective.
i actually look forward to getting on the plane, sitting down in my seat, letting my head hit the headrest. because then, there is no turning back. no more thinking. everything that i could have done, all the planning, all the worrying, everything - now is out of my hands. and then i can sleep.
who am i kidding.
i will miss her. her hair. her voice. the comfort i get when i lay my head on her chest and under the sheets i can close my eyes, pushing the tears and fear away. i will miss her terribly. yet why does it not show more? is it hidden by the frenzy i am swirling in? is the frenzy, this whirlwind all a shield?
i hate money. i hate oil. i hate conflict. i hate pride. i hate egos. i hate wars. i hate injustice. i hate corruption. i hate inequality. i hate a lot of things in this world.
where do i start? i can read all i want. i can know all i need to know about all the wrongs in this beautiful world of ours. i can read all about the amazing people who are dedicating their lives to making this world a better place for us all, without having to plant their flags anywhere or charge for their services. but what about me?
what am i doing?
the rain pelters down now.
hard. steady. drumming down further into the blackness of my room. the bulb just blew.
i am a teen crying in angst in the rain. in the middle of the street looking up towards the sky and screaming out for answers.
pathetic.
posted by SuperDha at 11:09 pm
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