why
my dad just called me on my cellphone.
i have been liaising with him in a last minute desperate rush to complete my job applications.
it was noisy. the computers were't working properly. the phone reception was bad. and i was frustrated, and stressed. and then i got cross.
in his voice i heard the sound of a tear, from deep inside. he misses me. he cried at the airport. i have only seen him cry twice before. and here he was trying to do as much as he could to help me, rushing to work at 9pm to sort out stuff that i should have been prepared for months ago, and i shout, raise my voice, and vent my frustrations on him.
now i am crying. apologies aren't enough sometimes, when the damage has already been done.
sometimes i wish i could simply press a button and rewind. change things that i have done, and said. how many things i would change...
'we live and we learn, yeah?'
i miss you tracy. i miss you thathi. i miss you ammi. i miss you, muntz.
in an instant i suddenly feel so far away again... the confidence i had yesterday suddenly seems so inappropriate. who am i, what good is what i do, if i hurt my family so?
hopefully i will be better by monday - when i will have to again face the never ending waves of illness, disease, poverty. the amazing patience, tolerance and hope that these poor people have despite all of the suffering, strife and death, really does inspire me sometimes, and puts into context our trivial, cerebral problems...
take care everyone,
i love you all,
-superdha
i have been liaising with him in a last minute desperate rush to complete my job applications.
it was noisy. the computers were't working properly. the phone reception was bad. and i was frustrated, and stressed. and then i got cross.
in his voice i heard the sound of a tear, from deep inside. he misses me. he cried at the airport. i have only seen him cry twice before. and here he was trying to do as much as he could to help me, rushing to work at 9pm to sort out stuff that i should have been prepared for months ago, and i shout, raise my voice, and vent my frustrations on him.
now i am crying. apologies aren't enough sometimes, when the damage has already been done.
sometimes i wish i could simply press a button and rewind. change things that i have done, and said. how many things i would change...
'we live and we learn, yeah?'
i miss you tracy. i miss you thathi. i miss you ammi. i miss you, muntz.
in an instant i suddenly feel so far away again... the confidence i had yesterday suddenly seems so inappropriate. who am i, what good is what i do, if i hurt my family so?
hopefully i will be better by monday - when i will have to again face the never ending waves of illness, disease, poverty. the amazing patience, tolerance and hope that these poor people have despite all of the suffering, strife and death, really does inspire me sometimes, and puts into context our trivial, cerebral problems...
take care everyone,
i love you all,
-superdha
posted by SuperDha at 11:23 pm
4 Comments:
helo bubu :) :) :) :) :) :) Nicky came in2 wrk fri to suprise me, shes back frm Tanznia, she had da coolest time,bt again lik u, saw a lot,felt a lot,cried alot.but hon...this short 6 weeks in Africa is an experince of a lifetime,u can write books and b proud dat youve done Africa.u knw?its ok to miss us, jst dont let it get to you too much, enjoy Africa as much as possible. i bet in a few weeks time, you will be glad you did Africa.We are all still here, we miss you too....we are not far, a phone and text away.be positive, be optimistic, and enjoy the next few weeks as much as possible k??miss you heaps!! SMILES??
hallo sweetie! just sent you a nice long email. thanks for your warm words... you're absolutely right. i *know* i will look back on these times and think they were some of the best, and most life-changing experiences ever... i just can't wait for that feeling, rather than the feelings of sadness and inadequacy at times! hehe but it's slowly getting better, and every day i think i am loving it more and more...
and yes, i am getting all of your blog messages!
can't wait to be with you in europe!
lubu lots and lots,
dha
Interesting and touching Dha,especially about your Dad's tears. But what about your Mom's? Have all her tears dried out after all the crying of all those years? Does she not cry anymore for you?It's a pity your Mom's tears and feelings don't seem to count or effect you. Try not to forget the people who were always there for you and were with you all the way, right from the beginning; as you become the SuperDha that you are now! Congratulations on your academic achievements!
Super super Dha...you are doing fine. But one good advise from a good friend....don't write to the public like this about your parents...after all they are your parents...your personal and private stuff must not be put out here for everyone to read...it is your parents private stuff too...just a friendly advice Superdha.
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