i am tom hanks

i'm sitting here. after reading emails. and there is this whirlwind of unrest within me. the storm grows larger and larger, consuming my organs one by one. it makes me dizzy. i want to lie down after drowning in wine. to hide from today. surely it must be visible, obvious to others. this stormcloud, this roar of the thunder, this dark shadow that clouds me. apparently not. the bees keep buzzing away as this giant hive continues to hum, happily without me. i am dressed well, my posture is normal, and i still speak and interact normally. there is no formal thought or speech disorder, and no evidence of psychotic phenomena. there is denial of suicidal ideation. insight intact and good judgement. but what in the ways of mood and affect? what in the ways of ruminations? i digress. i must be getting lost in the storm. when can i escape this day of meetings and sessions and things to do and things to tick off my to-do list? am i going to be tom hanks in 'the terminal'? am i going to go to heathrow airport on 3 november and be told, 'i'm sorry sir, but the world you knew, the world you came from, does not exist any more'?