damn alcohol
damn it.
this alcohol was meant to help me forget. it was meant to make the thoughts go away.
but this time it has worked in the other way that it works - by making me go down, down down.
now the waves of the past wash over me. and i cannot lift my head up. over and over again they sweep. and i cannot escape.
years and years of thoughts, regrets and unrequited dreams, hopes and loves swarm around me, the merciless bastards.
and so i must keep drinking, until the locusts finally sleep.
p.s. still haven't seen prague properly. got properly pasted last night and thus slept the whole of today. had an awful czech meal yesterdat (czech food is so god darn bland!!!), but complemented it nicely with a spicy pakistani meal today.
p.p.s. sorry been outta touch ilia. i know we need to talk. a lot of stuff has been happening. so much has been changing. and not many of the changes have been for the better. we definitely need a cathartic session.... sigh. i hope you're doing ok. it must not be easy, being alone in a big see-att-el, and then hearing about all these changes. but not much longer to go ay. sigh. our palaces of the future seem so stupid, ridiculous, naive, now. and the sad thing is i don't know how to build palaces any more.
p.p.p.s. i am writing poetry again. at least that's something.
p.p.p.p.s. hoon, wish you were here man. it's just not the same without His Randomness. all the fantastic memories come drifting back now, of our insane europe trip, the trip of the millennium. i wish we could recreate it!
p.p.p.p.p.s. mush respect to you, ilia, for going to electric six. i hope you took photos. and you have to tell us *all* about it when we meet up again, as i am supremely jealous!
p.p.p.p.p.p.s. does anyone know exactly what kind of swamp we are landing in when we start working (i.e. the whole rda, meca, dhb fiasco)?
this alcohol was meant to help me forget. it was meant to make the thoughts go away.
but this time it has worked in the other way that it works - by making me go down, down down.
now the waves of the past wash over me. and i cannot lift my head up. over and over again they sweep. and i cannot escape.
years and years of thoughts, regrets and unrequited dreams, hopes and loves swarm around me, the merciless bastards.
and so i must keep drinking, until the locusts finally sleep.
p.s. still haven't seen prague properly. got properly pasted last night and thus slept the whole of today. had an awful czech meal yesterdat (czech food is so god darn bland!!!), but complemented it nicely with a spicy pakistani meal today.
p.p.s. sorry been outta touch ilia. i know we need to talk. a lot of stuff has been happening. so much has been changing. and not many of the changes have been for the better. we definitely need a cathartic session.... sigh. i hope you're doing ok. it must not be easy, being alone in a big see-att-el, and then hearing about all these changes. but not much longer to go ay. sigh. our palaces of the future seem so stupid, ridiculous, naive, now. and the sad thing is i don't know how to build palaces any more.
p.p.p.s. i am writing poetry again. at least that's something.
p.p.p.p.s. hoon, wish you were here man. it's just not the same without His Randomness. all the fantastic memories come drifting back now, of our insane europe trip, the trip of the millennium. i wish we could recreate it!
p.p.p.p.p.s. mush respect to you, ilia, for going to electric six. i hope you took photos. and you have to tell us *all* about it when we meet up again, as i am supremely jealous!
p.p.p.p.p.p.s. does anyone know exactly what kind of swamp we are landing in when we start working (i.e. the whole rda, meca, dhb fiasco)?
posted by SuperDha at 6:43 am
1 Comments:
Ah....
Alcohol.
I have been sober for 6 days now.
Its hard to drink bymyself... despite all the nice pubs around - it just aint my thang...
But i see why u r doing it... and still - try to control the bottle beast, man! it not long to go now. soon we can stare at the bottom of the bottle and the green/brown/clear transluscency of the empty glass. together.
today is the first time i will actually go out and see some seattle. after 3 weeks of living in this city. impressive, eh? :-)
No one knows anything about mecca/adhb/blah-di-blah-blah - and does it really matter at this stage? there are all these other things happening, that make those issues just sink into background like a bad guitar distortion...
It is an inhumane feeling when ppl who have come into our lives, with whom we have shared parts of our lives... leave.
A part of u flitters... and flyies off - and all u can do is watch their flight... as the pieces seem further and further away u notice the emptiness of the place where they used to be... more and more...
I think there are tooo maaaaany fuuuuuucking chaaaaaanges going on at the same time!!!!
I am dreading the begginnign of work. Not just for the reason of being a doctor and. killing ppl.
But because it will really mean an end. an end to a big part of our lives - a fun and crazy and hard working and stupid and impossible and improbable and... OUR life - the way we got it. the way we understood it. and accepted it. and welcomed it into ourselves....
Everytime i think about 27th of novemeber all i can think about is... we will be doing it sans a munt.
Anyhooo...
enough of boo-hoo.
Enough.
dude- Prague is there. u r there.
u two need to hook up :-)
get to know eachother better. :-)
u with Jason 'snakes on a plane' Correia?
hope its all going safe and beautiful.
stay strong. there are ppl all over the world who r thinking about u, bro. (soon another big continent-oz- will join this lucky group.... he.......)
Play safe.
Will talk to u soon.
Ilia
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