death by food?
ooof...
is it possible to die due to eating too much? i am coming to feel that it is actually possible.
but... what a way to die!
so... what do i like so much about sri lanka?
i actually love the heat and the humidity. i love the monsoons. this is rain as it should be. none of this fluffing around with drizzle-here drizzle-there miserableness. here the clouds come over, it rains like crazy, and then it stops. the rains also bring a nice cool breeze. and the heat quickly dries the remnants of the rains.
i love the bonkers driving. single lanes somehow become five lanes. no one gives way but everyone gives way because you just turn or cross roads or whatever when you want to. a near-accident or close-call occurs every few seconds. one drives with one hand on the gear stick, the other on the horn, and occasionally one of the above two hands may be used for steering. no one stops for pedestrians. i love the 'three-wheelers' or 'tri-shaws', the tiny three-wheeled taxis. they just whiz around like little manic ants. if there's a traffic jam, they just conveniently use the pavement. people overtake everywhere and any time, on bends, on single lane roads, in front of oncoming cars etc.
i love the people. i love talking in sinhalese, despite it being completely broken and retarded. i feel a strange sense of - home. even though i wasn't born here, and i only lived here for five years in my early teens, i feel like i am with - my people. it's a strange feeling. i never really feel or felt completely at home anywhere - africa, new zealand. i always felt like an outsider. and i still feel like an outsider here, with my grossly different ways, my poor language skills, my clothes and mannerisms etc. but i feel a sense of 'camaraderie', a sense of relation and familiarity with my 'fellow people' (for want of better descriptive words), that i just can't feel in new zealand. it's a nice feeling. a strange, unfamiliar feeling.
i love my family here. my aunt (dad's older sister), her husband, her son, my paternal grandmother, and of course the amazing, amazing cook sharifa (who not only makes out-of-this-world food, but also has a personality five times the average size), and her son-in-law lal. we have the craziest times, the most hilarious conversations. i love how everyone can laugh. freely, fully, completely. i love how everything in sinhalese has a distinct hilarious quality that english just can't capture. i love meeting other sri lankan guys, and girls. i love how people like the cook, servants and drivers and so on, become part of the family, hanging out and talking and chatting, eating and drinking together with 'us'. i love how everyone is so relaxed. stress is something that may flicker in one's mind every now and then, perhaps once a month, in between eating breakfast-mid-morning tea-lunch-tea-dinner-supper and drinking cups of tea and sleeping. fantastic. i love talking to them all, and even more, just listening. to their stories. their tales, their histories. it's fascinating to learn of the boughs, the limbs and trunks, the roots that bore your little leaf. more and more i am becoming a family man. i love these new feelings, these new strengths. from a sort of a lone ranger, i can now face the new life ahead of me with the strength of a wonderfully strong family. i love the quality of my family, their honesty, integrity, virtuosity. their hearts are truly golden (eek, all these cliches coming out of my cynical, sarcastic mouth! oh the horrors that happiness brings)! and it's inspiring.
i love my grandmother! she's so healthy at the age of eighty-six (touch wood). not a single tablet apart from multivitamins, and not a health concern apart from corns. she's so witty and funny as well, completely with it (more with it than us, at times)! one hilarious moment:
cousin walks into my room: hello, yeeees?
me: hello, yeees?
cousin: what shall the doctor's medicine be?
me: what do we have?
cousin: vodka, gin, arrack, bourbon -
grandma, shouting from other side of house: and water!
i love walking around, soaking the sights and smells and sounds. i love the hustle-bustle of the markets and the little shops. i love how food is everywhere! there are probably more foodstalls and food shops than other shops! and what a variety of food - it's fantastic! i love how taste reigns supreme over health or such finicky things as calories!
i love seeing things of another era, the hallways of my past. 'carnival' ice-cream house with its exotic flavours such as durian ice cream (actually super yummy!). 'the fab' pastry shops with its divine apple pies. 'perera and sons' bakers. 'cargills' and 'keells' supermarkets.
i love how, despite the awful war and conflicts, sri lanka is developing nicely. there doesn't seem to be the same poverty that existed before. the infastructure is booming. there is more money everywhere. there are supermarkets everywhere. the mobile networks and internet services here are cheaper and better than new zealand! 5Mbps and unlimited data internet for less than NZ$20 per month, anyone?
i don't love the war, this war of attrition and tit-for-tat, an eye-for-an-eye atrocities. i don't love how there will be no end unless both sides decide to compromise. i don't love how it continues just like how so many atrocities in the world continue, because of such things as the arms industry and the whole military-industrial complex that supports so much of the glory of 'the brave new world'. i don't love corruption and greed. i don't love how it's the little person, always the little person, who suffers the most. can peace talks ever solve things? can war? can democracy? can proper international support? can those of us overseas do more? what?
i don't love how i don't have my camera charger. i don't love how i have not taken any photos yet. i don't love how i still haven't bought another camera.
oh, did i mention that i absolutely love the food? maybe i will need to talk more about the food in another blog.
what a trip of a lifetime this is turning out to be!
is it possible to die due to eating too much? i am coming to feel that it is actually possible.
but... what a way to die!
so... what do i like so much about sri lanka?
i actually love the heat and the humidity. i love the monsoons. this is rain as it should be. none of this fluffing around with drizzle-here drizzle-there miserableness. here the clouds come over, it rains like crazy, and then it stops. the rains also bring a nice cool breeze. and the heat quickly dries the remnants of the rains.
i love the bonkers driving. single lanes somehow become five lanes. no one gives way but everyone gives way because you just turn or cross roads or whatever when you want to. a near-accident or close-call occurs every few seconds. one drives with one hand on the gear stick, the other on the horn, and occasionally one of the above two hands may be used for steering. no one stops for pedestrians. i love the 'three-wheelers' or 'tri-shaws', the tiny three-wheeled taxis. they just whiz around like little manic ants. if there's a traffic jam, they just conveniently use the pavement. people overtake everywhere and any time, on bends, on single lane roads, in front of oncoming cars etc.
i love the people. i love talking in sinhalese, despite it being completely broken and retarded. i feel a strange sense of - home. even though i wasn't born here, and i only lived here for five years in my early teens, i feel like i am with - my people. it's a strange feeling. i never really feel or felt completely at home anywhere - africa, new zealand. i always felt like an outsider. and i still feel like an outsider here, with my grossly different ways, my poor language skills, my clothes and mannerisms etc. but i feel a sense of 'camaraderie', a sense of relation and familiarity with my 'fellow people' (for want of better descriptive words), that i just can't feel in new zealand. it's a nice feeling. a strange, unfamiliar feeling.
i love my family here. my aunt (dad's older sister), her husband, her son, my paternal grandmother, and of course the amazing, amazing cook sharifa (who not only makes out-of-this-world food, but also has a personality five times the average size), and her son-in-law lal. we have the craziest times, the most hilarious conversations. i love how everyone can laugh. freely, fully, completely. i love how everything in sinhalese has a distinct hilarious quality that english just can't capture. i love meeting other sri lankan guys, and girls. i love how people like the cook, servants and drivers and so on, become part of the family, hanging out and talking and chatting, eating and drinking together with 'us'. i love how everyone is so relaxed. stress is something that may flicker in one's mind every now and then, perhaps once a month, in between eating breakfast-mid-morning tea-lunch-tea-dinner-supper and drinking cups of tea and sleeping. fantastic. i love talking to them all, and even more, just listening. to their stories. their tales, their histories. it's fascinating to learn of the boughs, the limbs and trunks, the roots that bore your little leaf. more and more i am becoming a family man. i love these new feelings, these new strengths. from a sort of a lone ranger, i can now face the new life ahead of me with the strength of a wonderfully strong family. i love the quality of my family, their honesty, integrity, virtuosity. their hearts are truly golden (eek, all these cliches coming out of my cynical, sarcastic mouth! oh the horrors that happiness brings)! and it's inspiring.
i love my grandmother! she's so healthy at the age of eighty-six (touch wood). not a single tablet apart from multivitamins, and not a health concern apart from corns. she's so witty and funny as well, completely with it (more with it than us, at times)! one hilarious moment:
cousin walks into my room: hello, yeeees?
me: hello, yeees?
cousin: what shall the doctor's medicine be?
me: what do we have?
cousin: vodka, gin, arrack, bourbon -
grandma, shouting from other side of house: and water!
i love walking around, soaking the sights and smells and sounds. i love the hustle-bustle of the markets and the little shops. i love how food is everywhere! there are probably more foodstalls and food shops than other shops! and what a variety of food - it's fantastic! i love how taste reigns supreme over health or such finicky things as calories!
i love seeing things of another era, the hallways of my past. 'carnival' ice-cream house with its exotic flavours such as durian ice cream (actually super yummy!). 'the fab' pastry shops with its divine apple pies. 'perera and sons' bakers. 'cargills' and 'keells' supermarkets.
i love how, despite the awful war and conflicts, sri lanka is developing nicely. there doesn't seem to be the same poverty that existed before. the infastructure is booming. there is more money everywhere. there are supermarkets everywhere. the mobile networks and internet services here are cheaper and better than new zealand! 5Mbps and unlimited data internet for less than NZ$20 per month, anyone?
i don't love the war, this war of attrition and tit-for-tat, an eye-for-an-eye atrocities. i don't love how there will be no end unless both sides decide to compromise. i don't love how it continues just like how so many atrocities in the world continue, because of such things as the arms industry and the whole military-industrial complex that supports so much of the glory of 'the brave new world'. i don't love corruption and greed. i don't love how it's the little person, always the little person, who suffers the most. can peace talks ever solve things? can war? can democracy? can proper international support? can those of us overseas do more? what?
i don't love how i don't have my camera charger. i don't love how i have not taken any photos yet. i don't love how i still haven't bought another camera.
oh, did i mention that i absolutely love the food? maybe i will need to talk more about the food in another blog.
what a trip of a lifetime this is turning out to be!
posted by SuperDha at 7:05 pm
9 Comments:
Asian ppl are fascinated with food. Every 2 steps i take in taipei i see a food store. All sorts of different kinds. Its amazing how asian ppl, generally, are not fat.
...WHY THE HELL M I NOT LIKE THAT....
I used to think i fit in in Taiwan. Like i am one of the ppl here. I blend in.
Its amazing that i feel the complete opposite to you now - i feel like a foreigner in taiwan, i feel like i'm stuck in the boohoo middle land, not quite asian, not quite western. not anything.
Nothing, nilch.
something is wrong wif me,ya?
Oh, its the damn elective report that i have to finish this damn nite before i enjoy taiwan.......argghhh....
Moo
dont feel bad.
I think most of us r like that.
I know i am.
its so weird being a 'kiwi' here... overseas :-)
In NZ i am not. in Russia i am not russian.
Our generation, raised in NZ has this - middle of the road fate.
but its a good one. we dont have subscribe to anyone's beliefs.
we are free to do what we want with our lives - witout the constraints of a 'Culture'. its a great and rare advantage.
Peace
hey moo... i know exactly what you mean. i always have felt, and feel like that. always the outsider. (fantastic book by albert camus).
i guess i have changed in a way. whereas i was always on one extreme of the spectrum (the lone ranger, the outsider, the very vocal anti-restraintsofculture activist), i am now coming closer to the midline. i am still an outsider here. people still stare at me, my cumbersome language and so on are ridiculous sometimes. but it depends on how you take it, i think. i see european people blending in nicely, taking it all in their stride. and that's what i've been doing. taking things with a smile. i have mastered the art of not taking myself seriously during my travels.
anyway. i ramble. moo - don't feel down. there are countless people like you and me. and that number of ppl will only continue to increase. it really depressed me in the past. but what i've come to see is that it's possible to meet people like oneself, with similar backgrounds as well as displacements, and to actually be with them, and enjoy the best of both worlds - the strength of family and a sense of some identity, as well as the freedoms of living in a less culturally oriented/restrained society.
ilia - i don't agree with you fully. it does give us advantages, this cultural 'limbo' that we are in. but if we live in a very cultural world (which we do, our backgrounds are not the quintessential 'culturalless' western ones), then there are disadvantages. and ignoring culture and all that blah blah - family - i have come to realise, gives you a strength that one cannot have on one's own in this world, no matter how proudly and defiantly we may stand with our posters denouncing it all. (i should know, i was one of those guys parading the streets, shouting my head off).
Hmmmm...
Intersting points u make, my friend!
I guess it all depends on our own individual experiences.
Just like u were 'shouting ur slogans from the rooftops' before, because u havent experienced wat a 'family' can give. the strength that it can bring. And not that u have seen it - u think differently.
Its all to do with ur experinces. If not for ur recent ones, as u said, u would still be with me on the roof :-)
My point is, i guess - that i have not been in ur place. i have not seen the whole 'family' strength/supprt/goodness that u describe. And i doubt that i will.
such is my personal experience. i am not imposing it on anyone - i know its different for everyone.
My point is - even if u dont have this support around u. even if u are on outside. and feel that u dont belong to any particular family. Well, in that case u CAN create ur own family. Out of ppl who r close to u. Who undersatnd u. Who, maybe if u r lucky, feel/think the way u do.
I strongly believe that our culturl-mix is an advantage. It is the one thing that i am TRUELY thankful to my parents for - they brought me out. to another world. and i could develop my own mind - about culture, beliefs, customs, etc.
Its kinda like the whole religion discussion that u and i had: it gives u guidelines which to follow, in ur mind and behaviour. And yes- it also gives the sense of a global family, a sense that u belong, that there r ppl out there just like u, who share ur thoughts/beliefs/desires.
But in the end - its a crutch that prevents u from learning how to run.
If u r outside - u can look in. u can make up ur own mind. about anything. and yes, sure - it will make it harder for u to find a common language with the ppl 'on the inside'. those with set beliefs. those who have never questionned them.
anyway...
Yeah.
I am not disagreeing with anyone.
I just believe that u need to make up ur OWN mind about everything. Everything - from religion to culture to love to sex to happiness to BDSM :-)
Dha - i am super happy that u have founf this strength in ur family. and in ur roots. i have been there - although only recenlty. the fascination never lasts long for me, unfortunately :-)
But i am super grateful to all ur family, and all those around u, who have given u strength over the last few weeks.
I hope ur feelings towards will last.
Peace.
Camus' book is brilliant!
Its my quintessential 'highschool' book. my 14 year old period! :-)
Dhalia: I grew up in the whole big family thing, initially when i left taiwan, i'll look fw to comin bk every yr, every yr i come bk i'll cry at the airport before i leave, i look forward to coming back all the time, all the relatives look fw to us coming back, we have endless dinners to attend to with relatives, everyone's so chummy and together its beautiful. Good childhood memories.
Maybe cos i was a child everything was rose coloured?
Now, what do i face?
I face a grandmother that, over the last few months, is now not able to recognise me. Yes, for the first time in my live today, she told me she's seen me only once before. Yes ilia this is the same grandmother that came to NZ a few yrs bk, if u remember when i was still in grammar, and the same grandma that had the operation during my exams when i was in 2nd yr.
Anyhow i digress. No family gatherings. My uncle struggled to recognise me today. I have no desire to meet anyone else in the family besides my 2 cousins - both of which i don't even have cellphone numbers for.
I went out clubbing with my bro and i duno wat to say to his friends. Half of my thoughts were in English and i can't find wat to say to anyone.
I believe that my ultimate form of communication is a mix of both chinese and english - even tho eng is my main and superior language the other person need to speak chinese to really understand me.
I am asian enough that the average kiwi person will find some of my behaviour repulsive and irritating.
I am western enough that asian people think i have no respect for elders and i have no roots.
Everyday, i operate in the western world occupationally and socially.
Everyday i return to the asian world to my family.
whoo, sorry bourbon and budweiser are not mixing well. Sorry dha. What i'm saying is - i've gone the reverse to you. I've lost that family love. I'm now facing lone.
No i'm not down - i really enjoy the fact that i'm not heavily bounded by culture, and that i've seen the world more than a lot of other people to decide for myself what i want. I have a lot to thank for that.
I think its the need for people to want to belong to a group. Identification issues. Like the Japanese culture of mandatory membership to social groups.
I don't, and can't, fit into most groups in society. More so than i'd like to admit.
Being an individual, is not an easy task...
Ahhh...
Moo - i know Exactly wat u mean.
The thing bout family and language.
So true. the language pays an important part... i agree.
nothing like searching for a word in ur 'native' tongue when u r with ur 'natives' to make u feel like a TOTAL outsider!
I have felt this... many times...
I am sorry this is so hard for u, my friend...
the only way to truely overcome the situation, in my opinion, is to live by ur own rules... which is wat u r doing.
Yes - u r not an asian anymore.
No - u r no kiwi either.
But!
U r Moo/Jeff/Kung Ting - a great guy, a great friend! and there are lots of ppl that dont find u strange... but rather think u r kool. and fun. and random :-)
So.
dont feel bad.
Families are an up-down-up-down-up-down kinda thing... it is never in one place...
and also, as we grow older... it is no longer just the 'cultural' barriers that come up. it is also the barriers of 'experiences' that appear. Like living in another country. Wt i mean is- it would be hard for a person who has never been outside of Taiwan to understand u... because u have seen a greater world... u operate on a broader plane. which is KOOL!
Trying to belong is natural.
its normal human condition.
and its hard when u cant.
or it is difficult.
but - this world is SO varried!!! thaat anyone!!! anyone!!! can find his group. i guarantee it! where its racial/cultural/med school/sense of humour/sexual orientation/dress sense/ music choice - there r ppl out there who r like u.
who r like us.
Inbetween 2 worlds. not quite beloningin to either.
In numbers... we create a world of our own.
PS- i hope u will be ok with ur family, man... sounds kinda tough...
i am really sorry to hear bout ur grandma... she should definitly rememeber u , after all u did for her - despite of exams and stuff.. Old age is a biatch...
ilia - you make very valid points, my sub-zero furry friend.
it does come down to personal experience, of course. i never thought i would be saying or feeling or thinking any of the things i am right now.
and true, it's not for everyone. there are families out there which will never be strong, and individuals can only find happiness and contentment by removing themselves completely from such families.
i guess what i am trying to share is that sometimes what is required is an active opening of the mind to the possibility. i was always closed to family, and culture, having seen only the worst sides. and i am not saying that culture does not bring its awful side effects. perhaps what we need, as children caught in the middle, is a balance. and what a delicate balance it is! anyway. i guess my main point is that keeping an open mind to the possibilities, and making sure one is seeing the situation clearly, for what it is right now, is important. i know that's true for me. and i know this will last. it's like i've discovered this treasure that was till now buried, right under my feet. it sounds so cheesy, doesn’t it?
it’s so hard to keep an open mind when all the time we are living with the experiences of the past. our past experiences taint so much of our perceptions of the present, and our future. i know i find it hard. but everything changes. and everything is open to change, to some degree. and in a way, everything is possible. (have you watched ‘what the bleep’ – fascinating movie – changed me). but if we are not completely open to possibilities, and perceiving current reality not for what it is but what it seems like through our coloured lenses of the past, then, perhaps, we are missing out on many wonderful possibilities? and even if we don’t realise some hidden treasures, or see a different reality when we open our minds more (as i did), even if there is no change, then at least, by being neutral and open, we are giving change a chance.
anyway.
ramble ramble. words are such cumbersome vehicles for the grandeur of the mind, no?
the usual disclaimer: i am not claiming this is true for everyone, or anyone in fact. but as we share our unique experiences and views, perhaps we learn more about ourselves. and if we are open, then we may see other possibilities that we never saw before.
moo - gosh - reading your words strikes so many chords within me. you and i, it seems, have so much in common. our backgrounds, our fears, anxieties, insecurities. your views on yourself, your place in the world and universe, and your views on family. so much in common! (as well as our love for bourbon). i think we should talk in person about a lot of these things. i wish i could concoct a mixture of words to automatically make everything make sense for you, and to make you feel all better. but i can’t. i guess the most i can do is walk with you and be there for you on your journey.
it's really really really hard being an individual. hence why so many people use crutches to help make sense of the great blackness, this great cosmic unknown, nothingness. we all have our crutches of various kinds, even if they’re not so obvious as faith in a deity or the supernatural. what i always maintain as important is that the crutches we use do not narrow our minds, and close us to possibilities, or shield us completely from facing * reality *. for what happens when we lose our crutches, and we don’t have a clear understanding of reality?
i think we are in a really tough situation – we are torn between two worlds, constantly trying to meet each one’s expectations, constantly trying to seek the best from both of them. and it’s an awfully tough balance! i know my parents tried their best to give me a completely blank, neutral canvas. and I am so, so grateful for all that they’ve done, and do. but they could, can only do so much. the * real * change, the real transformation, i feel – will be not with us, as straddlers of two worlds, but with * our * kids, born in nz (for example). they will be able to * fully * realise and enjoy the benefits of an existence that can contain the best parts of family and identity with heritage, but without the cultural and mental constraints, the dilemmas between our backgrounds and our new homes, that we suffer from, no matter how subtle our unique struggles may be. but only if we create those canvases for them. only if we nurture their minds to accept those possibilities. that's what i'm excited about. i'm excited about all the opportunities, all the possibilities open to my children.
anyway. this has become indecently long. it's actually a shame that this is all hiding as comments instead of enjoying the status of a blog entry. just thoughts. my views. i'm open to all possibilities :)
talk to you soon guys. fascinating, enlightening, hearing your views and experiences. and keep thinking, keep talking, keep writing jeff. it’s amazing what putting one’s mind to paper or keyboard can do.
p.s. moo, read some of the early posts on this blog, in particular 'midnight madness'... talk to you soon, and take care :)
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