fleeting emotions

one day it sneaks up on you. you wake up next to your beautiful girl. she curls up next to you and yawns, and the sweet sound of her 'good morning' warms your soul. the sun is shining. there are no assignments due this week. i'm on top of my study. yawn. stretch. smile. snooze. i'm in wards. i make some diagnoses and i look flash, feel flash, and wow i think i'm doing alright i'm not dumb and incompetent i'll be a great doctor soon one day very soon. then i'm walking back for lunch, knowing that i'll be in her arms soon. the music's playing, the battery's full, the sun's still shining, and suddenly. yes. the realisation.

hello -
i'm...
happy.

yet two days later it's not quite the same. it seems as soon as you realise happiness, and try to hold on to it, it slips away. if only the same would apply to sadness - with the time i spend dwelling and grappling with sadness - you'd think i would have chased it away for ever.

but no.

the consultant's mean your fellow students are selfish hungry goal-oriented bastards with little beady eyes like rats scurrying around trying to find the next ass the can suck your mom's nagging you it's too frigging hot in this long sleeve shirt and stupid tie ow the bloody pavement just jumped up and tripped me the cars on the road are so loud i don't have any money oh my gosh i can't eat all that food cos i have to spread it out till next wednesday till i get paid cos i spent thirty five dollars on dinner last night with my girlfriend i didn't really want to go to dinner but she wanted to do i really want to be in a relationship can i handle it damn it i'm hungry it seems like everything nowadays is not what it is but it's instead a receipt or a subtraction everything is a subtraction now.

happiness and true contentment can be so fickle.