ironing meditation

these glimpses of peace...

the feel of the iron in one hand, the smoothness of cloth in the other. the warmth, the sound of the steam hissing softly. the light above me. nina simone from the other room. my breathing. slow, deep. the floor beneath my feet. one pair of pants. two pairs of pants. one shirt. two shirts. three shirts.

sure, the thoughts come, as they do.

how many shirts am i going to have to iron? are there any in the closet? i'm hungry. i can't eat now though. what am i going to eat for dinner tomorrow i really want a dessert but i shouldn't. am i being premature in deciding on psychiatry so early?

but they merely flicker, and a peace calms them softly to a natural solution.

ironing meditation.

wow.

i share these experiences with you, not to preach, but because this growth within me is wonderful, and i want my friends and loved ones to know about it.

mindfulness

right now, i am the present moment.

i am in tune with my breathing. deep, slow, regular. calm. i hear the tapping of the keyboard, sense the light above me, see the letters appearing on the computer screen. i hear the pager going off now. and it's all in beautiful -

slow

motion.

i have been having these glimpses of presence. more and more often, now. and it feels good. it feels like i am progressing, becoming less of 'the vacuum between the depression of the past and the anxiety of the future', that i felt i had become.

eckhart tolle's 'the power of now' has a lot to do with it. as does coming to terms with the experiences i have had, and for that i am indebted to all my friends, family, and loved ones. 'what the bleep do we know' put things together in an appetising form for me. all those cobwebbed times spent reading philosophy, buddhist and quantum physics books played, play their part.

i used to meditate quite a bit, when i was a wee lad. yesterday i was reminded by mentor that perhaps that's what i could do with right now, and he referred me on to mindfulness meditation.

reading through some of the material now, i feel like i have come round in one huge, vast, beautiful circle...

i recall hazy, not so pleasant memories of conflict with my mother. i remember cursing and grumbling every time i had to do some household chores. i remember my mother telling me that it's not so much completing the task, but most importantly how and with what presence of mind, with what landscape of mind one does the task. that the same applies to anything, to all aspects of life. i remember scoffing and grumbling, and placing barriers towards all her speak of presence, of mindfulness, of her experiences at vipassana retreats and so on. so what if i wanted to listen to glaring loud music and lose myself in the cacophony of my thoughts? what of the present moment? it was all about psychoanalysing the past, and anxiously staring into crystal balls in my mind. isn't that what the true philosopher, the true western enlightened did?

and here i am. now.

unknowingly, i have come round the circle. it's beautiful, it's humbling.

i only wish i could express my gratitude, my love, to my mother. i only wish i could express it with the full intensity that i know it burns with inside me. my mother may indeed be the biggest single factor that has led me to these glimpses of peace.

and i am back to breathing. my mind is present.

every now and then a thought flutters its wings. the occasional bat comes out from some dark cavern, shrieking.

but it's beautiful, right now. i look at the bat.

i smile at it.