reality is mine
it is a fascinating concept. one that has often fluttered around in my head, for the occasional moment, briefly fanning its wings before going back into its coccoon again. from various sources - Buddhism, books, friends, gatherings, audio tapes, textbooks on quantum physics and the moon and stars and the sight of my hands outstretched before me - all these have given me insights into the infinite power of me and the interconnectedness of all that is reality.
but it took this movie - "what the bleep do we know?" - to somehow put it all together. walking outside through the neon lit streets, it became apparent that the way i have been living my life, poetically blurring it by fancifully comparing it to walking in a world with glasses that make everything a shade of grey, is an addiction. i have got so used to living and looking at everything in these ways, in bittersweet and hopeless ways. i choose to look at everything as if they may once have been glorious and bathed in spendour, but now i am looking at, and only deserve to look at, their faded memoirs. and by becoming so used to such a way of being - i have programmed myself, strengthened and created these massive neural networks within my brain - that are beautifully designed to create that sad reality for myself. and this thus becomes and has become my addiction - that everything, everything must flow with this system. i am so hard-wired for this reality that i am not set up for any other, alternate reality - in fact it is getting to a stage where any deviation from this grey universe, even the very possibility of an alternative way of being, is actually starting to fade out of my comprehension.
by not knowing that i, within myself have the power to sculpt my own universe, i am denying myself the chance to create magic. by freeing myself from the tangles of habit, by breaking these neural meshes and forming new ones, i can now set off fireworks in the sky, people may start levitating, fish swim in the air in front of me and whisper lines from ferlinghetti poems, love becomes once again a beautiful pure rose that warms the whole universe, and she is once again a tangible, real girl right in front of me.
there is sweetness. and no tear to accompany it any more.
but it took this movie - "what the bleep do we know?" - to somehow put it all together. walking outside through the neon lit streets, it became apparent that the way i have been living my life, poetically blurring it by fancifully comparing it to walking in a world with glasses that make everything a shade of grey, is an addiction. i have got so used to living and looking at everything in these ways, in bittersweet and hopeless ways. i choose to look at everything as if they may once have been glorious and bathed in spendour, but now i am looking at, and only deserve to look at, their faded memoirs. and by becoming so used to such a way of being - i have programmed myself, strengthened and created these massive neural networks within my brain - that are beautifully designed to create that sad reality for myself. and this thus becomes and has become my addiction - that everything, everything must flow with this system. i am so hard-wired for this reality that i am not set up for any other, alternate reality - in fact it is getting to a stage where any deviation from this grey universe, even the very possibility of an alternative way of being, is actually starting to fade out of my comprehension.
by not knowing that i, within myself have the power to sculpt my own universe, i am denying myself the chance to create magic. by freeing myself from the tangles of habit, by breaking these neural meshes and forming new ones, i can now set off fireworks in the sky, people may start levitating, fish swim in the air in front of me and whisper lines from ferlinghetti poems, love becomes once again a beautiful pure rose that warms the whole universe, and she is once again a tangible, real girl right in front of me.
there is sweetness. and no tear to accompany it any more.
posted by SuperDha at 9:58 pm
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